I thought I know what I want, but not actually.
Even though being as hard as I could do, still cannot achieve.

Prepared resume and interview once more.
It might be the chance let me know where am I and the distance between with what I want to be and ME.

But I didn't figure out.

Without being a teacher, I realize I should doing something that I CAN control.
So I put the job not only for money but also for the reason that the admin. is easier to me to become.

I don't know how to describe what's my feeling now.
I cannot enhense my ability and without any self-fulfillment.
Am I trying to do my best in this job?
I was.

There's a desire calling me instde of my heart.

But I still don't know what and how to do.

我想我是找的出答案的，
只是未來充滿的不確定讓人恐慌。

是自己太挑剔，還是受挫感太深，還是過度保護自己？
有時候就是無法放開來好好去完成一些事情。

辦公室時好時壞，渾渾噩噩的度過生活也讓人厭煩，
即便能夠領薪水卻又自由的生活，可又沒有自在的時間跟生活，
隨著分針轉動的次數，似乎反而讓自己窒息。

也許這般工作別人求之不得，如此輕鬆又無憂慮的工作，
反而讓自己更加恐慌，是否更加倦怠及喪失競爭力。

總覺得應該把握這個機會好好去學習，
體力卻大唱反調，晚上無法熬夜的疲倦感，立刻撲向自己。
前陣子上課反而讓自己踏實一點，
發覺自己需要被強逼著去讀書才行。

因為還沒去進修，又繼續怠惰。
苦惱的是，原先想上的課也只有週末開課，
工作、進修、未來、現在等等諸如此類的問題，
每當想起便席捲自己的心情。

有時候魚與熊掌不能兼得的心情真的是很難平復。
又不得不。

希望，這些苦惱只是第一步，但相信接下來上天的安排會更好。
：)
除此之外，也要更加積極的充實自己。

能說的只有加油，還是加油。